one time in an english class we were making notes about shakespeare’s life and the teacher was like “his father was a glove maker” and the guy next to me started laughing really hard so i looked over at him
his pen had stopped working before he could write “maker” so it just said “shakespeare’s father was a glove” and that was the funniest thing in the world to this guy for some reason
don’t romanticize the past. romanticize the future. the future has starfleet
How to know which boy you like:
1. Get very drunk
2. You will cry about the boy you like
Apparently the boy I like is pasta. This comes as no surprise.
it breaks my heart knowing that i will never receive a blowjob
what the fuck why do so many people think they will never receive a blowjob
Because we have vaginas
Stop apologizing for the things you enjoy eating.
Stop apologizing for the things you enjoy wearing.
Stop apologizing for how you prefer to spend your day.
Stop apologizing for the things that make you happy.
Girl, an ongoing series
by Lora Mathis
I love the brutal honesty of this series
I love pirates because they have no concept on albeism. oh you have no leg? here have a peg leg. no hand?? well guess we gotta put a hook on that, give those sons of bitches a surprise. Blind in one eye, put an eyepatch on no one fucking cares, youre deaf??? go man the canons you glorious bastard.They dont care if youre disabled bcus as long as you can fuck shit up they literally dont fucking care.
I think the thing people don’t realize with that bullshit “well not all guys are dangerous, you should give them a chance” or what the fuck ever is like
if i had a plate of cookies and i was like yeah, a few of them have laxatives in them and one’s got cyanide in there, BUT THEY’RE NOT ALL LIKE THAT
you’re probably not gonna take a fucking cookie
I can’t breathe. This is so accurate.